October 06, 2017

25 days - #!%&$#@! rodents!

Just a heads up - there is swearing ahead.  

If you don't want to read any "colorful" language - 
it won't hurt my feelings if you click away right now.   

It's OK, really. 

I have to express my feelings about....
 reaction excited fight squirrel come at me bro GIF

aka fuzzy little bastards
And here I felt sorry for the one I watched get kicked out of the tree and 
pounced on by a hawk.  
Not any more!

I'm not sure what variety these little shits are.  They're not the big brown or black ones we have in plentiful supply around here.  These are much smaller red ones, similar to the one in the gif - but without the ear tufts and a less fluffy, more red tail.    
And the only ones I've seen have been in and around my shed!

So here it was mid September - it was time to dig out the headstones & blowmolds to get them cleaned up and staged on the patio!  One of my favorite times of the year.  It was hot & humid out, but I really didn't think it would take long to grab stuff out, set it on the patio & retreat my happy ass back into the air conditioning.  

  My shiny freakin' bubble was about to be burst.

Here was my first hint.  
A literal asshole chewed into the door of the shed. 

And the skittering of little feet as I opened said holey door. 
This is the first blowmold I saw.
Complete with enlarged hole and orange shrapnel around it.
I was cautious when I moved it - it was oddly heavy and I thought maybe it was a nest and could envision 10 little fuckers leaping out at me! 
 Nope.  Pinecones.  
My blowmolds apparently make lovely food storage silos!
 And so do pumpkins. 
 And sprinklers.
And flowerpots.  
Blowmold #2
Guess I should have left the light fixture in it. 
Oh look - a snowman this time!   Blowmold #3. 
Note to self - don't leave them lying on their sides. 

I didn't get a picture of blowmold # 4 - but it was a snowman like #3.  About 1/2 full.

There were also at least 2 piles up against the back wall, between the blowmolds. 

Oh - look at the pinecone rotisserie!
aka one section of fence. 
They were all filled. 
At least they couldn't get into the coffin!

Want to know just how many damned pinecones can fit into a blowmold???
 I overflowed a 2 gallon bucket.  Just from the lowest JOL.
Using tongs.   
 Even Jack thinks squirrels are assholes!

By the time I got the blowmolds emptied, the piles raked up, the fences plucked clean and all that fun shit, I was dripping sweat, covered in spiderwebs & sap.  
And I don't feel sorry in the slightest that a whole shit-ton of their winter food storage ended up in the yard waste container! 

At least they smelled good. 

Speaking of aromas.... don't get me started about the muthafuckin' skunk I saw out in the ditch by the cemetery last night!  At least Jack wasn't out there with me that time.  His favorite thing to do is stick his nose right up a skunk's ass!   I sure as hell wasn't in the mood to de-scent the stupid dog!  We kept our distance, but had a light shining on it and talked in normal voices  It knew we were there and eventually wandered across the street into the neighbor's yard. 
Good.  Stay over there. 


 photo http---signatures.mylivesignature.com-54494-164-6E1F2937D85F5FD3EB8A14DC4819E6EF_zpsg5damrgy.png


  1. Hehehe! Oh, this is relatable! Not the storage part so much as the general squirrel evilness. See, when you told me about the hawk before, I was not at all feeling sorry for the squirrel. Because I'm still holding a grudge at the one who chewed its way through an a/c unit in my apt. window. Then it went to town chewing through every cord it could find and peeing on the furniture. After that, it took up residence with its little friend in between the glass and screen of my kitchen window. So I'd be sitting there eating dinner and poking a squirrel in the butt with a ruler, while yelling at it. My apt. manager was sympathetic... to the squirrels! He said they were "cute" and "just wanted to keep warm". ??? A squirrel broke into my grandmother's house through the chimney, took bites of the fake fruit she had out and then tried to live under a pillow. A pillow on her bed as I recall. So yeah. There have been squirrel troubles for generations here. :) Just be glad they have only gotten into your shed and not your house! I was surprised to see this much pinecone stockpiling. Your blog post was getting pretty funny with each additional pic of pinecone piles! How are you planning to keep them out or from coming back for their (now missing) pinecones?

    1. You should have told that manager you wanted to switch units with him and he could live with the squirrels!
      Not sure how we're going to keep them out. The doors on the shed have been needing to be replaced to way too long, so that will be a good start. We had mice in there last summer, but all they did was chew holes in the boxes for the air conditioning units and build apartments in them. OMG, they smelled so bad, too!
      ...I even threw moth balls in there this past spring - guess that attracted vermin instead of repelling them!


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